


Tuck and Roll

by evaunit0



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Galaxy Garrison, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Sheith - Freeform, Pining Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-14 01:16:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15377502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaunit0/pseuds/evaunit0
Summary: Admittedly, Keith may not be the best at keeping his ears to himself, but it hasn't gotten this bad before.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don't @ me i just like pinning keith & angst  
> also i don't care for adam i'm just trying to be neutral ya'll

Movie night had Keith bathed in blue.

His headache had wearily grown into a swelling pit in the front of his head after forcing himself to glue his eyes the screen in some form of personal diligence. Matt was sitting beside him on the floor - ankle rolling as he commented on the chosen film - and Shiro snorted some clever retort.

Adam laughed, and Keith didn't let himself blink until he counted to twenty.

Sure, the counselor had given him that technique as a means of controlling his anger, but Keith found it worked particularly well when Shiro's boyfriend made a dent the size of a crater in his forehead after purely existing.

_They're good for each other,_ Keith would think, working his jaw in circles. _Adam makes him happy._

But there was a part of Keith, the most stubborn, corroded core of himself that knew he wasn't going to get over Shiro. _Adam_ could get over Shiro, Keith was almost certain. But the way Shiro made him feel wasn't something he wanted replicated. He wanted _him_.

Still, he felt like shit either way.

Shiro and Adam's television was mounted on a wall, surrounded by looping cheap lights leftover from Christmas that Matt had refused to take down, reportedly on principle. It wasn't his home, and the _lovebirds_ should arrange their nest as seen fit.

Keith had daydreams about shucking the string of lights with a scythe.

"Okay, I'm almost positive we've watched this one before," Adam had a hand on Shiro's knee, his glasses tilted on tip of his nose from the kiss Shiro had given him earlier. Keith tried not to register Shiro immediately looking up to watch Adam speak.

"No, all of Shiro's movies are just this bad," Matt said, laughing as Shiro tried to kick him, instead catapulting Matt's arm into Keith's leg.

"Sorry, Keith," Shiro touched the back of his shoulder, apologizing, but Keith felt his neck turn to static at the touch. He should have lied about having too much homework to go to movie night. Maybe even asked Matt for some help with equations to back it up.

Too bad he'd rather suffer at Shiro's feet than reject his company.

The movie was a comedy - Adam liked dramas, but they tried to keep it light for group movie nights, per Matt's request. Keith didn't care much for what they watched - usually they talked over the movie, sometimes played games when the bad acting or punchlines became unbearable.

But by Keith's request, they had stopped playing games for his dignity.

Really, it was after seeing Shiro and Adam on a charades team together, knowing they were copilots, seeing them fit together so well, that Keith couldn't tolerate being forced to watch them be perfect.

Now, they all suffered through the selection of rentals Shiro collected each month, switching between overplayed action sequences and borderline romcom scenarios.

Tonight, however, Matt got up only twenty minutes into the movie, making Shiro turn away from whatever Adam was whispering to him. 

Matt noticed, waving him off. "I volunteered to work a physics lab tomorrow morning - I should probably get going."

Shiro smirked, Adam elbowing him. "Your dad guilt you into it?"

"Haha. Some of us don't get to separate our personal and vocational lives, Shiro."

Adam waved. "Night, Matt. Text us when you get back safely."

"Will do. Night."

Meanwhile, Keith was forgotten about on the floor, slinking his shoulders down against the couch. Great. Alone with Adam and Shiro. As he heard them shifting their legs closer around one another, he decided he was going to kill Matt.

Or at least refuse to give him his pudding cup for a week.

Keith passed the time by scrolling through his phone on the floor beside him, praying for the movie to be over already. He barely noticed as Shiro paused the movie so Adam could run to the bathroom, dully noting Shiro's voice directed towards him.

"So you like it?"

Keith looked up, surprised that Shiro was leaning over his knees to look at him.

"Uh, what?"

Shiro laughed. "The movie. It's bad, I know."

Keith felt a blush creep into his face, thankful for the darkened room. He mumbled through his reply. "It's not _that_ bad."

Shiro grinned, crossing his arms. "Yeah, well now it's two against one for the movie. I'll tell Adam you have my back."

It took all of Keith's willpower not to claim a sudden stomach ache as Adam came back, settling his arm around Shiro's shoulders.

In fact, the stomach ache began manifesting alongside his headache.

Thankfully, the movie only ran for an hour and a half, freeing Keith from hearing Adam making stale jokes and Shiro laughing at every one.

Keith couldn't wait to go home and pass out on his bed, alone, and empty.

Matt was his ride here, and usually without a ride home, Shiro would personally walk Keith back to his dorm - he even offered Keith his leather jacket the last time it was raining, waving goodnight to Keith with a soaking frame and a lopsided smile.

Selfishly, he knew Shiro couldn't offer the jacket to Adam so long as he held it. But he didn't dare keep it past three days - weakly feigning forgetfulness the other two.

And right now, Keith was in desperate need of time alone with Shiro, even if it was just silence.

But Adam spoke up first.

"Oh, Keith. You can sleep on the couch out here if you don't feel like walking home," Adam smiled, and Keith blinked away the hardening shell starting to spread over his skull. "I can get you some blankets and a pillow, if you want?"

Keith felt himself nodding, neck aching from the movement. "Uh, yeah. Thanks."

Shiro popped off the couch with Adam, eager to help. They disappeared into the bedroom as Keith collected himself off the ground, stretching a few arm muscles before resettling in the space Shiro and Adam had left.

The cushions were still warm where they were sitting.

A minute later, it was Shiro who came with a bundle of fabric in his hands, tossing a pillow at Keith's face before he could deflect.

"Hey," Keith picked the pillow off the floor, and Shiro let himself be smacked in return, grinning as he set down sheets for Keith.

"I also got one of my shirts out in case you need something to sleep in," Shiro pinched the fabric of Keith's hoodie. "So you don't wake up wrinkly."

Keith rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'd hate that."

Shiro was smiling. "Adam hates wrinkles, so I guess it's rubbing off on me," He laughed, oblivious to Keith going mute, turning to go into his - their - bedroom. He didn't even look over his shoulder to say, "Goodnight, Keith."

Keith's gut sunk into the sofa as Shiro opened the door, and the lights were already off. Adam was in bed. And Shiro was about to crawl in beside him. Keith forced the words out of his throat too late, coming out in a muddle. "G'night, Shiro."

The silence following the door clicking shut was only filled with his blood pitching back and forth like great waves in his ears.

He sat still for a moment longer, untethering his self-restraint, before lifting Shiro's shirt to his face. It smelled just like him - he wondered if Shiro and Adam kept separate drawers, then bit his lip for allowing himself to wonder.

Deciding to tug off his hoodie and jeans, Keith purposefully left them in a pile on the ground to let wrinkles set in overnight. Part of him hated that he was using _wrinkles_ as a form of rebellion, but he told himself it could be worse; he'd gotten into more fights than normally permissible. Because after all, he'd never do anything to keep Shiro from happiness.

Slipping on Shiro's shirt, Keith's throat made an involuntary sound as he watched the hem drop to his lower thighs, skirting them softly.

If he were dating Shiro, he could have his clothes on him whenever he wanted. His _scent_ on him.

He shouldn't get turned on this easily, but he was seventeen, and crushing on your twenty-two year old mentor that treated you like a little brother wasn't exactly protocol, either.

Still, Keith felt he should be sensing at least a little remorse getting half hard in his crush's apartment with his boyfriend in the other room.

That was, until he heard a distinct thud from the bedroom.

There was murmuring, a spatter of laughter.

Keith willed himself to stop thinking immediately, and let sleep overtake him.

Of course, that dead silence was when he could _really_ start hearing things.

"Shit," A moan. "I forgot you could do that with your-"

Keith pressed an ear to his pillow, and slapped a hand over the other. The moan was definitely Adam's. He didn't need to learn what talent Shiro possessed that had him making that noise, and especially didn't need to listen to a play-by-play.

Unfairly, Keith was still half hard in his boxers, the front of Shiro's shirt tenting with his dick.

It really didn't help that Keith left the last part of that to his imagination - a clear image of Shiro kneeling between his legs to suck Keith off had him cupping his cock, begging that the ceiling fan would fall on top of him, instantly knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Adam didn't shut up. "You feel so good, Takashi," Keith's heart started shrinking. Adam was the only one Shiro let call him Takashi. He'd never heard anyone use it - on his worst nights, sometimes Keith would whisper it into his pillow, wondering how it sounded coming from himself.

The most evil part of Keith was tempted to knock on their door, Shiro's shirt hanging off of him, and ask if they had any more blankets.

Instead, he bit his tongue, snapping the elastic on his underwear lightly against his skin like a rubber band.

It didn't take long until there was another groan, distinctly Adam, and Keith sighed aloud. The air conditioner had kicked on, covering the noise, but made Keith's skin line with goosebumps. A dull knock sounded like someone hit the back wall, and Keith half wished they would finish already, palming himself to stop the ache.

The other half wished Shiro would start being louder.

And it didn't take long until he got his wish.

The bed creaked for a few full seconds - he wondered what was happening until he heard Adam again, more faintly than before.

"Get up here."

Keith cringed as he heard the bed springs again, obviously Shiro following Adam's order.

Willing himself into a personal void, Keith tried to lie to himself that he didn't hear Shiro's coy reply.

"You want me in your lap?"

Keith's dick twitched, and he quickly bunched up Shiro's shirt in front of his chest before a stain could leak through. He was painfully hard now, Shiro's low voice echoing in his mind as he closed his eyes, pretending he was whispering that to him. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Shiro was big. Even for Adam, who was pretty tall - Keith could only imagine how good the weight of Shiro would feel on him, trapping him, grinding him into the mattress.

Keith was pushing down his boxers before he could rationalize the situation any further.

Adam must have finally gotten his hands on Shiro, because the first time Keith hears Shiro moan, it's drawn out in a whine, followed by indecipherable stuttering from Shiro's end, making Keith pump his fist around himself in a painful grip.

"You okay?"

Adam, for all the faults Keith found in him, was endlessly considerate of Shiro.

"Yeah," Keith could hear the smile in Shiro's voice, pictured the pink blush across his nose. "Just go slow."

Oh.

"I know," Adam said, and Keith felt his limbs go numb. "One at a time, Takashi."

Shiro gave a weak laugh, but it turned into a moan midway. "I'm impatient."

Keith wiped a bead of dripping precum off his stomach, swiping his thumb over his head. Shiro sounded like he was a few minutes off of begging, and Keith could only imagine what that looked like. What it felt like.

God, he hated himself.

For a moment, he didn't know if he hated Adam more than himself, until he spoke again.

"You're _greedy_ , too."

Shiro groaned seconds after, making Keith flick his wrist too tightly. He hissed, reaching instead to grab his balls, trying to force air into himself. His cock jumped as he heard noise escape Shiro, followed by him saying, "Adam, please."

Keith couldn't imagine Shiro saying his name in plea like that, asking to be opened up.

Holy fuck, Shiro was really being fingered open in the next room over, and Keith was listening to it like a fucking radio.

The cycle of noise filtered in and out of the bedroom, Keith keeping a hand wrapped around himself at a half-assed pace. He didn't even know if he _wanted_ to come to this. How would he forgive himself?

How could he face Shiro?

When Adam spoke, Keith could hear the strain in his voice. "You want it like this? On top of me?"

All warmth left Keith's body, his dick skimming the top of Shiro's blanket impatiently. He didn't think they'd actually -

I mean, Keith was _one_ wall away.

It didn't phase Shiro for a second. "I'm ready, let me-"

"I got you."

Keith's throat felt like a trench. Shiro trusted Adam - they knew each other in a way Keith would never know Shiro. This was different than a hand on Keith's shoulder, a smile passing through the halls.

Shiro had given himself to Adam.

It was only a minute of negative space before Keith heard what Shiro sounded like having someone bottom out in him.

He sounded _good_.

Keith had an archive of dreams about Shiro - they started innocent enough - taking a walk together, or inviting each other over to help study for an exam. It didn't take long for Keith to climb on top of Shiro, or have Shiro push him against a wall.

This wasn't like that.

Shiro sounded like he was holding down a scream, his voice coming out in a pitch that made Keith's face redden. He could only imagine Shiro's flushed chest, his hands trying to hold something -

"Oh, fuck," Adam groaned, and Keith's jerked himself in jealousy. "Shiro, slow down."

"No."

The bratty reply stunned Keith. Adam offered a delayed laugh. There was a beat, and Keith was so close to coming he almost gave into his coiling self before he heard Adam again. "I know you just love sitting on my cock."

Keith didn't want to hear that.

But the noise Shiro made in response went straight to his balls, the breathy " _Yes_ ," and the following moans that had Keith pressing his nails into his palm with his free hand. Keith wanted more than anything to have Shiro lining up on top of him, taking Keith's cock in a greedy rush, pushing himself up with Shiro's thighs rubbing against his.

He needed to come before they did - Keith didn't need to have that memory stay with him.

Shiro went quiet like before, mostly offering small whines to something Adam muttered, half unintelligible. Shiro sounded completely blissed, and Keith frantically shut his eyes tighter and tighter until he could just picture Shiro being fucked on top of him, Keith grabbing his hips, rolling up into him as far as he could go-

Keith saw neon as he came, a regrettable whimper falling out of his mouth as his dick leaked, cum pooling on his stomach.

Shiro and Adam were still going at it in the bedroom, the pounding becoming less and less regulated. Quickly, Keith cleaned himself with his underwear, tugging them on with wet cum starting to dry in patches over them. Making his way to the hallway bathroom, he locked himself in and sat on the toilet, avoiding his reflection at all costs.

He felt gross.

Shiro was in love with Adam. Shiro had joked about marriage in front of Matt and Keith before, but he knew that's where this was headed.

Shiro wasn't going to be his.

After five minutes of sitting with his head in his hands, the only cleaning Keith allowed himself was washing his hands - Shiro's shirt was long enough to hide his stained boxers, and he felt like he deserved the itch starting to irritate his balls.

He'd give it a few more minutes to go back out, just in case, but Keith dreaded waking up to see Shiro kiss Adam good morning over coffee.

And the worst part was, Keith knew Adam made a good fucking breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *freckle voice* i'm a... huge bitch

No one came to Keith's room but Shiro, so the frantic knocking occurring in the hallway was synonymous to an alarm. Keith swung open the door, and sure enough, it was Shiro on the other side - but he wasn't injured, or even worried.

He was grinning wide enough that Keith unconsciously smiled back at him.

"Hey," Shiro said, wedging past Keith into his room. Shiro always took up an unfairly large presence in his room, and Keith loved that Shiro felt at home enough to drop his bag on his cluttered desk.

He'd seen him do it in his own apartment, on the kitchen table he shared with Adam.

"Hey," Keith was still smiling, walked over to lean against the wall next to Shiro. "What's up?"

Shiro was ecstatic, failing to speak without first placing his head in his hands. When he came up, he was bright red.

Keith lightly kicked his shin, still matching his grin. "Kerberos update?"

Shiro shook his head, biting his lip, looking like he needed to pace, even though he knew Keith's room couldn't allow it.

"I think Adam wants to get married," Shiro gushed, hands fisting in his hair after the revelation. Keith could feel his lips drop. "I think he's going to propose before the big Kerberos training begins."

Keith's next breath hurt.

"Keith, you'll be my best man, won't you?" Shiro's voice bubbled over, his hands clumsily landing on Keith's shoulders, light as ever. He laughed, shaking Keith gently. "I think the wedding will be small - just the people we care about most. I need you there. Wow, I know I probably sound crazy but-"

_I've always been yours,_ Keith wanted to blurt. Shiro was searching his eyes for any sign of acceptance, joy, and he nodded to his words, unable to process them. Unwilling. What he wanted was to wrap Shiro's hands around him and kiss him, beg him to wait. Keith's only eighteen, but he knows this is the end of the line, that _Shiro_ is what his life ultimately leads to.

_You saved me,_ He thinks. _I owe you everything._

So, when he does speak, he forces himself to think of Shiro's happiness. "I'll always be by your side, Shiro." Keith says, backing up the words with as much of a smile as he could. Shiro's grin stretched, and he practically tackled Keith in an all-consuming hug.

"I haven't told anyone else yet," Shiro said, muffled into Keith's neck. "Not even Matt. I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like it's coming any day now."

Keith let Shiro squeeze him again before pulling back. "Have you told Adam about Kerberos yet?"

Shiro looked down at Keith, baby-faced, the gray in his eyes clearer than clouds. "What? No," He laughed, almost snorting. "I have no clue _how_ to tell him. Part of me wants to wait and see if he'll propose first - I don't want to ruin the moment, you know?" Shiro unbuttoned his Garrison jacket before flopping down on Keith's bed, the adrenaline leaving his body. His eyes trailed the ceiling until he noticed Keith silence, craning his neck up to look at him. "You okay, Keith?"

"Yeah," he sat beside Shiro, who moved to accommodate him on the mattress. "I can't imagine what you're feeling right now."

Shiro hummed, smile creeping back. He absently twisted his watch. "It's a lot."

"I'm happy for you," Keith said, looking down to watch Shiro steal his pillow. The truth was always simple, easy - he wanted Shiro's happiness more than anything. "You deserve it."

Shiro crushed the off-white pillow against his chest like a child, his feet hanging off the bed. He grabbed Keith's hand, squeezing it. Dully, Keith realized that soon there'd be a ring on that hand.

The love plainly breaking through Shiro's voice - the _triumph_ \- devastated Keith's future.

"Keith, I finally feel like all my dreams are coming true."

\-----

The next time Shiro knocks on his door, it's accompanied by the loudest, "KEITH, OPEN UP," that has ever passed his ears.

It's the press night of the Kerberos dinner, and Shiro is supposed to be in the Garrison's gala room, accepting a badge of service, and schmoozing journalists with his excitement alongside the Holts.

And Adam.

Shiro had said he'd beg to get Keith put on the guest list, but he knew he'd hate having to watch Adam stand by Shiro, watch them pass drinks and talk to reporters, eventually leaving arm in arm. So he stayed in and thought about it all in dreaded detail for hours instead.

It was dark - Keith couldn't see Shiro as he stepped into his room, but he felt himself clumsily lifted up, throat giving an unbecoming squawk as Shiro tripped backwards, landing against the door with a thud.

Keith's head flew to his neck at the impact, and he could smell the cheap champagne on him.

Great.

"What are you doing here?" Keith hissed, trying to free himself from Shiro's impossible arms, begging for Shiro to answer in a whisper. He was certain that at least one patrol was on their way to find out what was happening in the dorms, and he didn't need them to scout out a senior officer drunk in his bedroom. "You're supposed to be at the diner-"

"I missed you," Shiro said, stumbling further into the room. He allowed Keith to squirm free - dropping like a cat - but trailed him, head lowered, grin charming as ever. He wrapped a tentative hand around Keith's back, sighing. "Everyone was so boring. I wish you came."

Keith couldn't think of a reply - Shiro's hand was lingering on his back was warm enough to melt through his sleeping shirt.

Thankfully, Shiro felt the need to keep talking. "There was nothing to do, just walk around and talk to strangers, and then they opened up the dancefloor-" Keith braced himself for whatever romantic moment Shiro wanted to divulge, but he deflated a fraction. "Adam didn't want to dance, he said he had headache all tonight, so I was just by myself, and I got so lonely," Shiro frowned, looking down at Keith, then laughed. "Hey, we should dance."

_Please._

"Shiro," Keith spoke tentatively, but he could hear the aching in his own voice. "I think Adam -"

"He can wait," Shiro smiled softly, and Keith swore he caught Shiro glancing at his lips before he tugged Keith closer, Keith's hands quickly moving to buffer between Shiro's suited chest and his own face. His right hand came to rest on Keith's stomach - Shiro was definitely a little tipsy. Keith couldn't help but tense, and Shiro started rambling again. "Adam trusts me. Please, Keith. He knows how important you are to me."

Keith let the blood settle in his ears, glancing at the floor as Shiro took his free hand, extending it in the most ridiculous way possible.

He wondered if Adam had ever really danced with Shiro.

"Keith?"

For once, he didn't let himself think about what came after this. "You lead, Shiro."

There's no music, and they don't move but two inches in the center of Keith's dorm, but Shiro seemed content, eyes closing as they scooted closer, their legs tangling when knees were bent too far.

Shiro seemed to have gotten his wish, but Keith had the sudden urge to spill his guts over Shiro.

"I'm going to miss you," Keith said, trying to swallow. Shiro's eyes didn't open, but his mouth twitched. "You- I don't know what I'm going to do without you." Without thinking, Keith squeezed Shiro's leading hand tighter, watching his eyes blink. They stopped swaying. "I don't want to ruin what you've given me."

"Keith," He almost thought Shiro was hurt by Keith's words - but his eyes were soft. "Everything you have you deserve. You deserve more than I could ever hope to give you."

_All I want is you._

Letting their hands drop, Keith hugged Shiro as tight as he could, tucking his head into Shiro's chest, his nose skimming his skirt. He could smell him again - felt his stomach contract at the rush he got from his brain saying _Shiro Shiro Shiro._

Shiro's arms found their way around Keith, his forehead falling on Keith's shoulder.

_I love you_ , Keith knew. And part of him knew Shiro loved him, too.

Maybe they both loved each other, and they were being stupid about this whole thing. Wasting time.

He wished.

"Hey, come here."

Shiro sounded like he was sobering up, so he let Shiro tug him onto his bed, both of them landing with their legs pressed against each other, ankles knocking. Shiro moved to loosen his tie, reaching under his shirt to pull out his dog-tag chains.

"Keith, I want you to take my tags."

This was a dream.

"Shiro," Keith was ready to push his hand away. "I really think Adam should keep them."

Shaking his head, Shiro put a hand on Keith's thigh. "He'll have my ring on his hand," and Keith couldn't read Shiro's face as he murmured, "You can carry my name with you."

As Shiro strung the dog-tags over his head, the plates landed on his heart. Keith blushed, but Shiro smiled, flipping them right-side up. "You know, I had no clue I was finding my best friend that day in the simulator."

Keith wanted to hug him again, suddenly, strongly. Crawl into his lap. Instead, he scoffed, playful elbowing Shiro. "I thought you were looking for a new pet project."

"No." Shiro's tone was final, but didn't seem upset at all. "I knew you were different."

_You're everything to me_.

Keith felt his voice go down an octave, trying to whisper with this heart shaking. "Thanks for sticking with me."

"I don't want to leave you, Keith." His name was something Shiro said so often he didn't realize how lovely it was. He gave a caustic laugh. "I wish you were older. I could argue you onto the team, I know I could. Sam would let me."

_Two years_ , Keith thought. _Two years, and I'd be twenty, and Shiro would be a reach away._

Keith felt ready to cry, suddenly, overwhelmingly. "Shiro-" He tried to stand, but Shiro's hands were back on his thighs, weighing him down.

Shiro drew him into a hug again, and Keith practically had to move his legs onto Shiro's lap. He knew they shouldn't be just sitting here enveloped in each other - Adam was definitely looking for Shiro by now - but for once, Keith could feel how desperate they both were for each other.

"I can't believe I've only known you for two years," Shiro murmured, and Keith knew him well enough to know he was getting sleepy, his hands bunching into Keith's shirt. "It feels like a lifetime."

_I want that lifetime. I want it with you._

Impulsively, Keith set his cheek on Shiro's shoulder, wedging his nose into his throat. Shiro didn't hesitate to lower his head, resting it atop Keith's.

In another life, Keith kisses him. Tries to make Shiro see him as his equal. Then again, maybe he does, and it's still impossible for him to _want_ Keith like that.

They don't speak again, not until Keith waits for the clock to show a full ten minutes passing. He waits until Shiro sobered up a little, then walks him back to the gala room. Adam meets them at the door, taking Shiro's arm from him.

"Thanks for finding him."

_He came looking for me_ , Keith thought bitterly as he started counting to ten. _He wanted me._ The jealousy hit him in a wave. Unclenching his fist, "No problem," was all Keith managed.

\-----

The fighting starts the morning after the announcement, in the middle of breakfast, no less.

The cafeteria was full of students and faculty there to congratulate Shiro, all of them eyeing Keith, sitting across from him, glaring at anyone trying to sit with them. Adam was silent, staring past everyone.

"You okay today?" Shiro asked, softer than Keith had heard him in a while. Keith took it as a cue to zone out a little, give them space. Something he'd gotten used to.

Adam's words were bitting, his hands laced tightly. "I'm okay, considering my boyfriend wants to go on a reckless mission to a frozen moon."

Keith and Shiro are equally stunned, Keith averting his eyes to a corner of the room.

Shiro tries to recover, but Adam shuts him down, feigning a headache, standing up. Shiro apologizes to Keith hastily, and follows Adam out of the doors, leaving Keith alone with three full trays of food.

Eventually, the fighting escalates.

Keith and Matt overhear snippets, brash comments that are met by silence or worsened backlash. Matt doesn't comment, ignores what Adam is doing to Shiro. _That's their life_ , is all he says, and Keith knows he's partially right. Shiro is risking his life, and the thought plagues Keith.

But the other half of him wants scream at Adam for asking Shiro to give up his only chance at a real life. For treating him like a sick child.

The next week, Shiro cries into his lap for two hours after the breakup, his face pressed against Keith's stomach. Keith hugs him for what feels like hours - until the clock reads well past midnight, and he coaxes him down onto his pillow.

Shiro is a little drunk off the dregs of whatever bottle he brought with him, slurring between sobs, but when he speaks, his words feel like a staple in Keith's heart.

"I feel like I'd die without you."

He spends the night on Keith's bed, too lonely to wake up in his and Adam's abandoned apartment.

Keith sleeps on the floor beside him, Shiro's hand hanging off the bed beside inches from his face. He wants to kiss his knuckles, apologize for the heartbreak another man caused.

Unfortunately, all he can do is get take-out boxes of breakfast from the mess hall, forcing Shiro to eat something, getting biscuit crumbs in his bed.

And still, Keith would rather have _this_ than watch Shiro leave him behind forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some angst before we flash forward to present day & get some Juicy bits B)
> 
> tumblr: paladinlion


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like paradise in war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrapping this up; nsfw again

The first _"I love you, too,"_ slips from Shiro like honey, and Keith has trouble breathing for a second, his lungs sticky and hot with the words' weight.

_He remembers._

Of course he remembers - Shiro had told him he could still picture his Galra form, that the bruises from wrestling were slowly fading - but Keith didn't expect Shiro to forwardly address the biggest truth in Keith's life.

_I love you._

They're in Black, on some meteor for a couple hours of rest, Shiro leaning against the dashboard while Keith stretches after being in the pilot seat for hours. He didn't expect the confession - he never thought he'd get the chance to hear Shiro answer him, affirming his greatest hope.

Love like theirs was unspoken, and it felt too big to be carried around in the back of their throats. So when Keith looked up, watching Shiro cross over to him, it took him a minute to recover, Shiro's hand resting on the back of his neck until he could meet his eyes.

"I wish I had said it sooner," Shiro says, quiet. Krolia is somewhere down the hall, Keith distantly realizes - and Cosmo could flash in any moment.

He was embarrassing himself with the desire to be alone, feeling himself go red.

Keith swallowed. "Shiro-" He couldn't speak, and instead - lacking restraint - his muscles moved, taking Shiro's hand from his skin and lacing their fingers together. Shiro squeezed his hand instantly, their thumbs brushing against each other.

He didn't realize he was starting to smile until Shiro said, "I always tried to think of how to make you happy."

Keith caught the image of a sun as their asteroid passed it, the light framing Shiro in a perfect halo.

"You make me happy," Keith mumbled, and let Shiro pull him into a hug.

Keith's fingers felt like sparks were coursing through them the whole night.

\-----

One earth year into their journey home, Keith is comfortable enough to camp out with his legs over Shiro's lap as Krolia let's Cosmo rest at her feet. They've all fallen into the habit of talking before bed in Black's lounge - sometimes inviting others over, or opening up coms if anyone has a story.

If Krolia has any opinions on how close they are, she doesn't comment. She's heard enough from Keith, and seen enough in the past months to know they're inseparable. And somewhere along the way, Keith stops blushing every time Shiro holds his waist to move him over in the close quarters, stops caring if anyone is watching when he rests his head on Shiro's shoulder.

Still, Keith has his suspicions of her thoughts when she begins to leave them alone earlier and earlier, usually with Cosmo trailing after her. Shiro must not think much of it, because all they do is talk for a while, and then head down the hall to their rooms.

But one night, Krolia leaves before dinner - _"Romelle invited me over. I think I'm spending the night in Blue."_

That left the two of them huddled on the couch, the lights in Black already dimmed for the night.

"I bet it's cramped in there," Shiro commented, scrolling through one of the tablets they managed to save from the castle. Their thighs were pressed against each other on the sofa, and Keith wondered how they always managed to get this close. "In Blue," He clarified, looking down at Keith, and smiling. "Are you tired?"

"No," Keith scooted up, looking at the map Shiro was scanning as a distraction. "Just - I don't know."

Shiro turned off the screen, setting it beside him. Easily, Shiro reached out, running his fingers through the hair laying on Keith's neck. "What's the matter?"

Keith leaned into the touch, ignoring how his stomach felt like quicksand. "Do you still get dreams? About everything?"

"Yeah," Shiro answered instantly, nodding slightly as he moved his hand up to trace the shell of Keith's ear. "They don't last long. It feels like being too close to furnace, then waking up in a cold sweat."

Looking at his lap, Keith reached over to put his hand on Shiro's knee, mostly for balance. Shiro was moving his hand to cup the side of Keith's face, tilting it to the side, making him dizzy.

"Why'd you ask?" Shiro's voice gave him goosebumps.

"I hear you wake up," Keith admitted. "It's hard to sleep sometimes."

Shiro smile faltered for a fraction of a moment. "You were never a good sleeper to begin with."

Keith tries not to think about the countless times he pulled all-nighters with Shiro and Matt - sometimes Adam - usually being the sole survivor by morning.

He spread his hand on Shiro's leg, feeling him almost jump. "Everything's harder now."

There's no pause. "This doesn't have to be," Shiro whispered, his thumb skirting Keith's scar. "Not this."

In the end, it's Shiro turning Keith's head, but Keith pushing off his thighs, meeting his lips. It doesn't feel like anything new for a second, until Shiro's breath comes out in a gasp. Keith doesn't waste time, easily climbing into Shiro's lap, feeling his arm come to rest on his ribcage, his waist, greedier than Keith expected.

He didn't think about how shitty he was at kissing, only Shiro's quiet moans, and how good it felt to be in his lap.

"Keith," Shiro's hand slid under Keith's shirt as they laid down, Keith's leg easily parting Shiro's thighs, slotting them together as close as possible on the tiny couch. Shiro was bright red, stuttering as Keith bent down, kissing the soft skin below his ear. Shiro's hips bucked, and Keith sucked on the base of his neck, making Shiro squirm. "Oh, fuck, _Keith_."

The sound that came out of Shiro's throat had Keith swallowing a growl, moving his mouth to redden Shiro's collarbone, his fangs appearing so suddenly that they both jumped.

"Whoa," Shiro said, pushing out the word like it was his last.

Keith mumbled, his hands reaching the hem of Shiro's shirt to push it up. "Sorry," Keith leaned back as Shiro pulled off the fabric, immediately moving his palms from Shiro's stomach to his neck in a fluid arc. "I can wait for them to-"

"No," Shiro lifted his hips desperately, forcing Keith to balance himself on Shiro's thighs. His face was flustered, eyes clinging to Keith, pleading. "They feel good."

Keith swallowed, feeling his incisors rub against his bottom lip. There was salt in his mouth - doubtless from Shiro's neck, and he couldn't help but shiver. He felt fire spreading to the back of his head as he ran his hands up Shiro's sides, mouthing at Shiro's chest, feeling Shiro's hand settle on his back, guiding him to rock back and forth on his lap.

Embarrassingly, it only took a few minutes of rutting against each other before both of them were coming in their clothes, Keith collapsing on top of Shiro's chest, pushing out hot breaths.

"Shower with me?" Shiro asked, voice cracking.

Keith was startled by his own tired laugh. "Please."

\-----

Keith knows he's going to become addicted to touching Shiro like this - the water is falling steadily around them in Black's showers as Shiro pulls him closer again, sighing into his hair as Keith wraps a hand around him.

As Keith strokes Shiro slowly, hissing as he feels Shiro's hand fumble for his own cock, his hand working him in lazy jerks. Keith reached to cup Shiro's balls, hearing the moan roll out of Shiro and echo against the glass.

"Shiro -" Keith bit his own lip. He knew no one was here except Cosmo, but still. Shiro was tipping his head back against the wall, noises being pulled from his throat.

"I'm gonna come," Shiro choked, spilling into Keith's hand. He eased Shiro against the side of the shower, letting him close his eyes. Before he was done catching his breath, Shiro was opening his mouth, looking up at Keith with his hair plastered against his face. "I wanna blow you so bad," Shiro slurred, body falling against the tile and letting the spray hit him.

"Shiro, I'm fine, you shouldn't-" Keith was stopped as Shiro easily sank to his knees, swallowing around Keith too quickly, making Keith fist his hands in Shiro's hair. "Oh my god."

It took ten seconds before Shiro was gagging himself, Keith hating the screaming impulse to fuck further into his throat, barely hearing the weak noises streaming out of him.

Keith didn't know if he gave a warning before he was coming, but Shiro's mouth was around him, his tongue pressed against his head hard enough that Keith saw stars.

They overslept by almost four hours the next morning, making the others laugh at their tardiness like it was a joke, claiming they were up too late looking at diagrams and maps.

Neither of them turned on their video chat that day, afraid they'd blush.

\-----

Their schedules were definitely pushed back on a couple occasions, owing it to late nights and lazy mornings, but for the most part, keeping their relationship confidential was going better than they anticipated.

Except when Shiro got _loud_.

It isn't an issue in Black - for the most part, they went to bed after Krolia, and her bedroom was in the opposite wing of the Lion. To be safe, they hadn't even gone all the way - Keith was hesitant to push the idea on Shiro, and they both wanted to keep a steady pace.

But when Coran stumbles across a family friend from generations ago at an alien market they're stocking up at, he informs them that they all will be staying at their hotel for the night, charge-free.

They don't even get a chance to speak before Lance and Hunk giggle that they'll be bunking since Shiro and Keith can't be separated.

Keith resists the urge to maul Lance while Shiro places a calming hand on his back, hopefully at an angle no one can see.

Anyway, Krolia and Romelle are happy to share a room, with Pidge and Allura taking the last shared space while Coran gets the suite; and Keith has to live with Shiro pulling him inside their room, pinning him against the door for a kiss, his breath hot in his ear.

Neither of them are going to survive sharing walls with the rest of their team.

"I want you tonight," Shiro's fingers trailing on his neck. "In a real bed."

Keith hated pushing him away after a single kiss, but they still had dinner, and they were supposed to be changing for it. "Are you sure?"

The look Shiro gave him was enough of an answer. When he gave him the same look across the table at dinner, eyebrow raised, Keith blushed. It wasn't that Keith was nervous about being with Shiro for the first time -

No, maybe that _was_ it.

Keith was still hopelessly terrified of giving himself to Shiro like that - not in devoting himself, but that he wouldn't make Shiro happy. That he wasn't who Shiro was looking to spend the rest of his life with.

So when they tumble back into their room - making sure everyone else is still chatting in the lobby - and Shiro's back hits the bed before they've had time to kick off their shoes, Keith suppresses any doubt, trying to focus on Shiro.

He's learned Shiro likes being taken care of, though, and he works on taking off Shiro's clothes one by one, watching his eyes focus on every detail of Keith's hands, his face - Keith almost lets himself stop thinking at all.

The first time Keith lays a hand on Shiro's cock, his neck hits the headboard, slapping into the wall.

"Sorry," Shiro whispered, hooking a leg over Keith's ass, he has eyes brighter than Keith can process. He's embarrassed, but sheepishly smiles. I love you."

Keith bits his lip, crawling closer to him. "I love you, too."

Quickly, Keith worked the rest of _his_ clothes off - Shiro all too happy to watch as Keith undress - until he wrestles Shiro back down, sucking on the fading hickey on Shiro's shoulder.

Moaning, Shiro's hand flew to the back of Keith's head, bunching in his hair, pulling him up for a kiss that had spit running down Keith's chin.

Shiro was... noisier than Keith expected. More wild than he imagined.

Desperate.

So Keith reached down, his hand shaking as it wrapped around Shiro, stroking him as gently as possible.

Shiro's head shot back again, a long whine coming from the center of his chest; he couldn't stop saying Keith's name, chanting it under his breath in broken syllables.

"Shiro," Keith wasn't oblivious to how loud Shiro was, moans pitching against Keith's ear and settling deep in his stomach. "You gotta be quiet."

"Can't," Shiro's eyes were barely open. "I want you, please, please-"

"Where-"

"There's gel in my bag - it's on the table."

Keith didn't like having to ask Coran for a bigger jar of salve for Shiro's arm when they went shopping, but he had resigned himself to that fact two weeks ago.

Admittedly, he loved opening up Shiro - he got impatient when Shiro fingered him, rolling himself onto his hand until Shiro gave up - but Keith was slow with Shiro, making him arch against the mattress. They hadn't done more than that, though, and the knowledge that this was going to be their first time had both of them on edge.

Luckily, Keith was able to keep the noise to a minimum by kissing Shiro through it, pumping three fingers into him while muffling his groans.

"Keith," Shiro whined, scrambling to find Keith's hand, squeezing it. "Please."

He couldn't keep himself calm any longer, but more importantly, he couldn't keep Shiro waiting.

Keith slicked himself over, feeling his chest rumble as Shiro spread his legs to either side of him, waiting for him to line up.

When Keith pushed in his head, they both grabbed each other's hands again, angling so their foreheads could meet.

"Oh fuck," Shiro whispered, and Keith swallowed the knot in his throat as he weakly nodded.

Keith tried to move forward slowly, pushing in inch by inch, but Shiro was lifting his hips higher and higher, making Keith sink in too quickly. He bottomed out, and Shiro let go of Keith's arm in favor of biting his own hand to keep quiet.

It worked for the first two minutes, until Keith started thrusting in a rhythm, shifting Shiro up the bed. Keith wasn't going to let himself think about how hot it was to watch the sheets bunch up around Shiro, who looked like he was desperately trying not to scream as Keith drilled into him.

One of the bedposts hit the wall again, and Keith realized they had accidentally shifted the bed to the side, knocking it against a nightstand.

"Keith," Shiro's bangs were plastered to his forehead, head rocking against his pillow as Keith drove forward, rolling his hips. "Fuck, Keith."

"Shiro," Keith had a fist in his hair, pulling it back as Keith tried catching his breath. "You're being loud."

"You feel good," Shiro says stupidly, mouth gasping. "I didn't- I thought about it, but-"

Keith willed himself to ignore how much the idea of Shiro getting off to him did to his stamina. He tried, but Shiro's hand was fisting in the sheets - tearing the covers off the mattress - and his legs were pulling Keith deeper into him.

"God, you in your Blade suit," Shiro half turned into the pillow, looking like he wanted to bite it to shut himself up. "And when you came back after months - years -" He stopped short, almost screaming as Keith took him in his hand, stroking him as he pushed in.

A part of him was still listening, still outside of himself, distancing his mind to another room so he could process what was happening in front of him. He knew that if he immersed himself fully in Shiro, he might die, he might never want to feel anything else for the rest of his life.

"Shiro, shut up," Keith closed his eyes for a second, sweat rolling down his forehead. "I'm gonna come."

"Me too," Shiro sounded relieved, exhausted; thankful that he wasn't talking anymore. Keith didn't miss his silent gasp, though, especially as Keith's thrusts started stuttering.

It took only a couple moments for Shiro to spill into Keith's fist, his legs loosely falling off Keith's back. Keith tried pulling out as he was close, bracing himself, but Shiro scrambled to wrap his arm around Keith's shoulders, pulling him down onto him with enough strength to knock the wind out of Keith.

He came, Shiro grinning as Keith nuzzled into his neck, sighing.

His loud exhale made Shiro laugh, the sound shaking Keith atop his chest. He groaned. "Shiro," Keith couldn't stop both their moans as he pulled out, wincing at way Shiro gripped his arm. "I- sorry."

"Stop," Shiro pulled him back down for a kiss, both of them sweating enough that the thin sheets stuck to them. "I didn't know you had gotten so good at giving orders," Shiro murmured with a raised eyebrow, and upon Keith's confused glare, he continued. "Telling me to shut up in bed-"

"Stop it," Keith flipped, burying his face into the pillow under Shiro. "You were being so _loud_ , I got worried someone would hear."

Shiro pushed Keith off him onto his back, propping himself up on the pillow so he could stroke Keith's chest with his arm.

"Couldn't help myself."

Keith closed his eyes, feeling Shiro's lips meet his seconds later.

Still, he couldn't let him get the last word. "I didn't know you had a thing for my Blade suit."

"Oh my god," Shiro's hand flew to his face, quickly turning pink under his palm. Keith kissed the back of his hand, waiting for him to uncover his face. Eventually Shiro complied, smiling down at Keith. "To be fair, you look really good in purple and black." He thought a minute, reaching to move a piece of Keith's hair back. "And red and white."

Keith wished he were better with words, wished he had something to reply that was better than the half-baked, "You look good in everything," that fell out of his mouth.

It still made Shiro blush, pulling Keith closer to him so he could rest Keith's head on his chest as he hummed. If he made Shiro smile, he guessed that was good enough for him.

After all, he had never wanted anything other than Shiro, and their happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally had to write some post s6 sheith to get it out of my system so i have NO hopes for s7 in a couple hours. also if there are mistakes feel free to yell at me bc i couldn't bring myself to proofread this afterwards yikes
> 
> off to bed at 5:30pm for the new season lol! it drops at 2am here:)
> 
> tumblr: paladinlion

**Author's Note:**

> thought my 9 hour shift killed me but actually sdcc killed me more
> 
> also this is my stupid quick reaction to this info at 3am (hopefully edited better at 10am but who knows my brain is dead) but also i do NOT ship adam x shiro so....... don't be looking for that here anymore my dudes
> 
> tumblr: paladinlion


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